FINALLY Spring time is here in Iowa...

Greetings all! Sorry its been a while. I have managed to stay ahead in all my classes....thus a lot less posting on here! LOL. Classes are continuing to be challenging, but I love it. Systematics, is for sure my favorite of all my classes this semester; coincidently, also has the MOST to read this semester! My final paper, 10 pages long is going to be on how Jesus' humanity and divinity are seen in he Gospels today and how Jesus is the New Adam and how Jesus is seen in creation. That's not the actual title of my paper, but that is what I am writing about...in a nut shell. It's a lot, so I figured I SHOULD be able to write 10 pages on all that!

Newest news...I've been talking for about the last month to a man I met online. (Yeah, I know, like where do I have the time or money for that!...what can I say, I was REALLY lonely one weekend and decided to give it one more shot!) I met a wonderful man that I have been chatting with online and speaking to on the phone since then. I'd tell you his name, except he may not want me too. He is very sincere, honest and a God fearing man. He just moved to Illinois, a few hours from me this past weekend. His mother lives here in Dubuque, so I will hopefully start seeing him alot. We hope to be able to meet this weekend for the first time, so cross your fingers. I sense a lot of "goodness and integrity" about him, so I hope I am right about this one. Hopefully will share more about him later.

This past weekend, March 27th, was my baby sister's, Myra's, wedding to Anthony Steech (Tony). My whole family was there, minus my sister-in-law, who had to stay at home with her very sick, prized horse, Dover (who is much better now) and my grandmother, who is simply just too old to travel (according to my mom). In times past, I have always stressed about spending time with family; as I did about this trip. I was preparing myself to be disappointed, but I am learning, that we (my siblings and I...even my mom), as we've grown older, more mature, we have learned to appreciate each other MUCH better. We laughed, we laughed till we cried, we enjoyed each other's company and managed to make it through the whole weekend, with minimal fighting or fuss. I was quite impressed. I even got to spend more time with my sister Tamara's partner, Teresa, whom I have decided has significantly made my sister Tamara a MUCH more pleasant person! It's amazing what the love of another person can do to someone. Myra overall was very calm all weekend...only yelling at us, I think twice, which was to be expected, but she did apologize! I had some time to I spent talking to, playing and dancing with my neice & nephew, Amry & Aidyn. (That just made me sad thinking how little they really know me!) The ceremony was beautiful and Myra was truly glowing the whole day. I have attached pics for ya'll to see, if you'd like. Leaving Arizona from my family really made me sad; as I really wanted to stay and spend more time together. I hope to be able to do that at the end of the semester, but we'll see. Who knows, maybe I'll be there for internship. We'll see!

Holy week has began and this year has a much deeper meaning for me. I suppose studying about the meaning behind everything we say and do in church, really impacts my own personal worship experience. I value it more and more each day. I feel more contemplative, more meditative, closer to God in a way that is making me truly realize the awesomeness of my Call to ministry. The awesome responsibility of helping others become closer to God is really starting to hit me....and its a little scary; no, A LOT scary...but in a good way. This week, as I attend services Wednesday-Sunday, I will take time to remember all the pain and suffering Jesus' endured for me. I am eternally grateful and hope those reading are too!
May the peace of God that surpasses all understanding be with you this Holy Week and always. Open the eyes of your heart and allow Jesus to sink into your soul this Easter! God bless all reading!

Reading Days....very productive

Well...I have to say, I think I'm getting "a hang" of this school/seminary studying stuff. While I am STILL not a fast reader, I am getting quicker at scanning chapters of books, making notes of what I think the chapter is about and moving on....makes for a lot less stress in trying to read a book from cover to cover! So we've not had classes yesterday or today. I managed to stay 3 weeks ahead in translating my Greek in my Pauline Letters class and am trying to complete a paper that's not even due for 2 weeks! Yup....I am proud of myself for not goofing off and staying a head this semester. It was a HUGE problem for me last semester and I have learned that staying ahead, gives me luxury of being able to relax on the weekends and NOT be so stressed about what is due next week. We'll just see if all the staying ahead continues as we move into the next part of this semester.

I posted on my Facebook some time ago that I think I am on the verge of a "huge spiritual shift". I think, largely in part because I am staying very focused on "what" I am studying this semester! I think last semester, I spent most of my time worrying about things and adjusting, that just had a tough time doing much spiritual growth. This semester, I am just enjoying my classes so much that its hard NOT to talk about it all the time; let alone not thinking about theological issues ALL day long. I guess that's a good thing, but sometimes burdensome.

I am singing more this semester which has been a nice stress release for me. I think I mentioned that in an earlier post. It's just nice to sing with a group of people who have no expectations of me, no pressure to be a leader of the group...just to sing because I love to sing has been so refreshing and soul rejuvenating for me. I am truly Thankful to God for opening my eyes to doing that this semester.

Most of my classmates seem to be very stressed this semester. I proposed to my class that we have a put together a "Transition Team" for new seminarians next school year for the new incoming Juniors who will be going through everything I went through this year. It was "kind of" taken as a good idea, so we'll see how all that goes. I'll either be too wiped at the beginning of the year from CPE or just not want to come back to the North for school....just kidding. That won't happen!

So I have been dabbling "again" with online dating, Such a process! Why can't there just be some "normal guy" that lives near by that HAS a job and TRANSPORTATION with some decency, some morals and values and some HINT of religion as a foundation of their life to just "magically" appear?! I have decided a long time ago that the reason I am still single is that God is molding "this man" that he created to be my soul mate and the reason I haven't met him yet, is because "he isn't ready yet!". And when he is, God will make him appear to me. I had just hoped it would be on one of the "dating" websites I have been on....but no luck yet. I dunno. My sister is remarrying for the 2nd time, she met her guy on a site, then there's my buddy & former boss, Argelia, getting married the same day as my sister (which I am still bummed about) also met on a website. Soooo....I keep holding on to the fact that "it does happen"! Maybe the next guy will be "the one". But I'm constantly being reminded that perhaps my timing is just not quite right...cause I just keep meeting some weird ones! I'll keep trying. I guess there is no harm in that. There are just some days when having a significant other would be nice. I do miss being in a relationship and having that special someone to share with. As I sent out my Valentine's cards this year, I reminded those I sent them to, to not take advantage of what they have; To appreciate each other, because, these days god relationships are hard to find.

Anyways, enough of that soapbox. I am off to the library to read some more History and start writing my next paper. Until next time, Blessings and Peace!

A new day of learning, life, reading and PAPERS!

As I sit here in the library computer lab, hearing other people pecking away as they are writing papers, using Bibleworks, surfing the net, I am reminded, that I SHOULD be writing my paper right now....but I do have this evening to get it done! Short 2 page paper for History.
My dear friends' Mom (Bethy Bugs) Joyce, has been recently diagnosed with stage 4 Breast Cancer. Joyce has been writing a blog speaking about her journey and writing poetry about her feelings. It just made me tear up reading her last one. I was so moved that I thought I'd share it here:

MOCKINGBIRD’S LAMENT

In twilight of the dawn
as sun begins to peak across
horizon’s early span
I take a quiet walk…

I settle on a bench beneath a Maple;
a tree that seems older -
much older than my great granny.
At least its bark has far more wrinkles
and blotchy brown age spots
than she before her day of passing.

I sit in deepest thought beneath this old tree…
And soon discover it is a shared place,
for just above my head
a Mockingbird bewails in cicada clicks
sensing staidness of my mood,
his wings spread in a rummy two-step motion
as he sings, not in simulation
of my silent tears,
but in mockery to shadows of despair
lurking far too near.

Aloft on his sturdy perch
he bolts into the air,
again with outstretched wings
in courtship demonstration
as he shares in solitude’s desire,
yet knows there’s need for fellowship
in time of sheltered fear.

He knows no tune for cancer
so no death lament is mimicked in his loud
and rapid song,
but kinship of the atmosphere…
trepidation,
with feathered trills of hope.

Powerful isn't it?? Makes me sit here and think, what words would I possess if I were to find myself in her same predicament. I can't say that mine would be so eloquent, so poised or strong as that! Perhaps it is the season of Lent or all the things I have been discussing in classes, that leads me to wonder how can bad things happen to good people? I know it sounds clique, but the truth is, it does happen. I, as a future Pastor, will have to one day look in the eyes of someone who may be near death and give them the comfort. I hope that when that day comes, I will possess the same poise and strength that my friend Joyce does up above!

Now don't misunderstand me, I KNOW that God walks with us everyday and loves us through and through, but is it really enough? My paper I am writing today is about a Cistern Monk named Bernard Clairvaux and his beliefs on loving God. He points out that there is argueably 4 degrees of love and that we should embrace them all. It is God's desire to be in close relationship with us, but I have to admit, that there are some day when I don't feel worthy, and some days when I may not possess the strength to go to God. But in the end, all I want is to walk with my God everyday. To feel God's prescience in my life and be filled with his love and grace. That's All Folks! Have a blessed afternoon/evening, etc!

Happy Transfiguration Sunday...??

LOL....most people probably don't even know what the heck that means! But if you're a church person, then u might! I always call this Sunday "Jesus' Sequin Sunday"! LOL....if you know the story of the transfiguration then you may know why...if not, I'll leave ya hanging. But you can read about it in Luke 9:28-36.

So this week is the beginning of the Lenten season. It's always a time for me to give up something for my Lenten journey, but for the last few years I have instead done some sort of community project. This year, I think I am going to help at a local soup kitchen once a week. I may still give up something just out of habit. Lent for me has always been a time for a renewal of my personal relationship with God. A time to rededicate my commitment to God. A time to meditate and ponder why I believe what I believe. This poses a challenge this year, as this is ALSO the concentration of one of my classes this semester.

I decided this semester to start getting more musically involved in the local church I attend, St. Peter's and also here at the seminary. I am also looking into singing in a local community choir as well. I had decided that last semester, I really wanted to focus on "my call"' and concentrate on my classes. I soon found out how much music ministry had impacted my life. I felt such a void in not singing and how it impacted my personal relationship to God. It became extremely difficult for me to sit in a congregation to "hear" a choir singing without me. I played my guitar a few times last semester, but it just didn't seem to be enough. Then after listening to Ben Larson's story, I then and there decided I could ignore the gifts God gave me anymore. As I shared with some fellow colleagues this week, I just can't imagine getting to the gates of heaven and saying to God, "Sorry, I know you gave me the gift of song and music in my life. I just decided not to use it!" So....music is now back in my life and I am sooo glad!

Today is also Valentine's Day. I can recall several years ago taking me and dog, Sam, camping during the Valentine's weekend. I had gotten just all caught up and depressed about spending another Valentine's Day ALONE, SINGLE, yada, yada, yada. Then I came to a realization. That this holiday is nothing more than a card, candy and flowers opportunity day to make lots of money. People SHOULD be sharing and celebrating their love relationships everyday! Most people don't even appreciate the love they have in their lives. And its not just about a significant other. It's about celebrating friends, children, co-workers, our military personnel, the leaders of our cities, states and nations. (OK, the last one may be pushing it!) But it is a day to make sure you are saying I LOVE YOU to someone! Personally, I always take a few minutes to tell God how much I love him and thank him for everything he provides and gives us everyday. I am very blessed! Make sure you take the time to say I LOVE YOU to someone today. I think it'd bring a smile to someone's face and make someone feel special. And doing good deeds for others....isn't that what life is all about? Peace and many blessing! Happy Valentines!

And then the Spring semester came....

This has been the LONGEST week ever! My first week back at school. I wish I can say that all my classes are SUPER easy and I'm gonna ace them all this semester but that would be a BIIIIGGGG lie; which is kinda something I try NOT to do, being that my future job as a Pastor frowns on that! all kidding aside, its just been an emotional roller coaster this week!
With the return of all students, it was a time of sadness when we all gathered for a convocation on being a "healing community" as we prepare for the return of Ben's wife Renee and his cousin, Jon. I can't even begin to imagine what they have been going through, but its been tough dealing with a whirlwind of emotions from all the students here. We will finally have the memorial service for all students this Tuesday the 9th, as Renee and Jon return to school. ANOTHER emotional day. I personally hope that our community is what they need to move forward from this tragedy.

So onto another subject.....
I think this semester's classes, while always challenging are going to be realy fun for me. I have noticed, within myself, a great sense of spiritual growth happening. I find myself thinking at a deeper spiritual level and asking a great many more questions than I did before about my personal faith and trying to grasp for answers to ALL my questions...which is sometimes NOT possible. I also have another class with LOTS of GREEK. I SERIOUSLY thought I was done with all my Greek last semester.....NOPE! So lots of translating. Good news is....I AM getting a little quicker at it and am able to pick up on a lot of it just by reading it more. So I guess if I had to look at the positive...that would be it! Another class I am taking this semester is Loss and Grief. I know....sounds depressing, right? Actually, it is quite interesting. Analyzing why people mourn the way they do and grasping why I FEEL the way I do at funerals. It's been especially nice that a few of my fellow students are getting together to study together this semester. Something we NEVER did last semester, which I think is a big help for me. Just yesterday, some of us got together to start translating the Greek in Philippians. So it was nice working as a team on it...at least for me.
All the Loss and Grief stuff will DEFINITELY prepare me for my CPE this summer. Speaking of which....I had hoped to be in Baltimore, MD this summer, but John Hopkins Hospital is dragging their feet on doing interviews, so I have accepted the offer to do my CPE at Children's Medical Center in Dallas, TX. I'll be staying, this time a little longer, with Julie and Darrell again. I have to admit that I am nervous for 2 reasons. One, CPE is going to be very emotional for me and secondly, I am still debating whether I want to risk my best friends' friendship by staying at her house again. It was already quite stressful this past month, but I THINK that was because of everything I was going through. This summer will be quite different in that I will be working most of the day with most my weekends off, unless I'm on call. So I am anticipating it being a little easier. Don't misunderstand me....I OWE A LOT to my best friend Julie who helped me, put up with me and took care of me during and after all my hospital stays. It just became stressful after a while; thus the reason for my concerns. But I have faith that she and I will survive. Besides, I figure, it can't be any worse than all that crap was! I won't enjoy the HEAT of Texas, but right now, since it's 27 degrees here in Iowa and starting to snow again....that HEAT is sounding awesome right now!

Had some followup appointments with an infectious disease Dr here in Dubuque this past week. Looks like everything is going ok. I will finally have the PICC line out on February 15th, as long as my blood work comes back OK. They took blood this past week and the infection, while not totally gone yet, is still showing to be in my bloodstream...but very slightly. I'm not worried, just concerned because now my OTHER knee is getting easily irritated! Geez....if it's not one thing its another!

So I FINALLY did it! I changed my tags and Driver's license to Iowa. Why? For a few reasons. One, I become more eligible for scholarships as an Iowa residence. I was able to apply for 2 more scholarships just because I claimed Iowa home! Then there's the tags issue. This state doesn't require state inspection, which means I won't have to hassle with trying to get my car inspected with my service engine light that doesn't ever want to go off. (Yeah, I know I need to get it fixed....but I have larger priorities with medical bills right now!) My new Iowa pic is AWFUL! Did you know that they don't let you smile when you take your driver license picture?? It is ridiculous! I look tired and mad and heck on my picture. It is REALLY bad! I don't plan on showing it to anyone; too embarrassing!

So my baby sister's wedding is coming up next month. Gonna be fun and nice to get away from campus for a few days. We'll see. It's not gonna be as big as her first wedding and this time I am actually IN the wedding party. I have to admit, I think I look pretty good in the dress for her wedding. I bought some small heels to wear with the semi-formal dress. My sister Tamara is also in the wedding party....so it's gonna be interesting for sure with my whole family together. It's always an adventure!

So I need to get some studying done and some dip made before I watch the Superbowl tonight. Rooting for the Saints. Hope they win...if not, I'll be watching some cool commercials! Until next time...Peace and God bless!

As if TWO hospital visits were NOT enough....

Yup....apparently, my body enjoys BEING in the hospital! After I was released the 2nd time (after my leg had turned several colors and they put a PIC line in my arm for IV antibiotics), I continued on antibiotics via IV for 10 more days. My Dr. had advised me to then switch to my pills after I finished until my next appointment. It seemed everything was going fine.....I had been out of the hospital for a week....infection did NOT appear to be clearing fast enough (at least not for me!). So on the morning of January 12th, I had an AM appointment. I got up very groggy! I just couldn't seem to stay awake....then the chills and sweating came. Julie checked my temperature a few times. It was slightly elevated but not bad, so I insisted she go on her planned play date for Chloe (my Goddaughter) and I'd have my dear friend Margaret take me to my appt (since she offered and I didn't think I could stay awake long enough to drive....but I suspected something was wrong!) They saw me within a few minutes. I explained my fatigue. They took my temperature and it was 102.9! This is course meant that the infection had NOW gotten in my bloodstream....which is NOT good! So they immediately made arrangements for me to go back to Dallas Regional (which is where I probably got the infection in the first place!). I cried when they told me and then immediately tried to get a hold of Julie...cause I knew I'd need a few things from home for a few more days in the hospital. My Dr. came in and said, "OK...I am concerned that the infection is not going away fast enough since your body is not reacting to pills and only IV, I'd like you back in the hospital for a stronger IV and I'm gonna take you back in to surgery and Debris all that stuff out of there and check the knee components, then restitch your wound". At that point, then I was really upset! ANOTHER SURGERY....UGGGHHHH!
So after 5 more days in the hospital, I also had to speak with an infectious disease doctor about what he suggested I go since the infection had gotten in my bloodstream. My knee looked 200% better after the 2nd surgery....it looked like how it should have looked like after the first surgery! But my knee Dr wanted me to follow whatever regime the infectious Dr suggested just as a percaution. Well this quack, originally made me SOOOOO upset! He was telling me that I would have to stay in a hospital for 4-6 weeks for IV treatment! Once I saw my knee Dr, he assured me that just staying on IV treatment at home for several more weeks would be all I needed; pending that the knee looked good and seemed to be healing within a week.
I CAN'T STAND DALLAS REGIONAL IN MESQUITE! NEVER GO THERE! I am going to be filing a grievance with this hospital this week before I return to school. My friend Margaret didn't believe me when I told her....EVERY nurse for 5 days and Tech and persons drawing blood...I called them the Vampires, I had to ask them to PLEASE WASH YOUR HANDS...PLEASE PUT ON GLOVES....except for one nurse! I thanked her profusely for being so diligent! I was afraid to take naps without someone there to make sure they were doing this as I slept before they touch me! I'm not talking occasionally......EVERYTIME someone came in....except for the one nurse. Anyways finally got out on the 18th and spent most of this week trying to get caught up with sleep! The antibiotics and just stress and body trauma had just taken its toll. I have some meds to help me sleep, but I'm not taking it everyday, which just exhaust me further. You add that to my God Daughter also NOT sleeping and that makes for a restless, tired, grouchy, ROSY!
So.....I went back to see my Dr on Friday. He said the stitches should come out this week and I have to stay on IV antibiotics just a little while longer while at school. So I am heading back to Dubuque after I get mt stitches out this Friday!
It's been a long J-Term for me. But I am also grieving the loss of one of my fellow seminary students who passed away in Haiti's earthquakes just a few weeks ago. I can't imagine the loss and hardship that his wife and cousin are feeling having survived this horrific catastrophe. I know my fellow seminarians feel my pain. I was reminded again this morning as my home Pastor, shared his story during his sermon this morning. I began to cry and couldn't seem to stop thinking of how hard it is going to be to go back to school, with such a great loss. But that is the cool thing about seminary....LOTS of people who can pray and heal together as a community, that's what Wartburg is all about!
So back to the grind of classes nest week. It's gonna be another tough semester, but I will make it through somehow. Just have to stop worrying about all the medical bills that will be invading my school mailbox probably within the up coming weeks. FOR THAT.....I'll need lots of prayer too! Peace, Love and Grace to all my followers. Thanks for all your prayers!

Hospital stay YUK....Surgery good...Walking good...Hospital stay AGAIN!!!!

Well greetings everyone and Happy New Year! And I guess a belated Merry Christmas to all! Soooo much to type about here.

After I got home here to Texas, I started preparing for my left knee to be replaced. I wasn't looking forward to it for several obvious reasons, but chiefly, I just HATE being a burden on anyone, especially my best friend Julie and her family, but she did offer, so it ended up that way.

I had my left knee replaced at Dallas Regional Medical in Mesquite.....first, I should say, my surgeon, Dr. Port is AWESOME. I would recommend him to anyone who needs Orthopedic help. But the hospital was AWFUL! I later found out they have quite a reputation of being terrible, but I got to experience it first hand! LUCKY ME! Surgery went well. I had to stay ion the hospital for 3 days. Right after I came out of surgery, they were trying to get me some liquids in me with protein since at this point I had not eaten in 24 hrs. Everything we tried, i threw right back up. All the anesthesia they gave me in surgery was making me quite sick. It took the hospital almost 3 hrs to get something for me. Julie was right there next to me the whole time; trying to feed me, as I was still slightly unconscious. But I do remember getting sick over and over again. Then the next day, I was up and moving doing physical therapy. There was lots of pain and swelling, but I did it with the help of a therapist and a walker. Taking lots of pain meds helped too! My IV began to leak and needed to be fixed. It took the staff almost 2 hrs to come and fix that. I dreaded each time Julie wasn't around. She was awesome in keeping the nurses on their toes to administer to my needs. My Dr came everyday to check my scar and check my progress. After 3 days of NOT getting any rest in the hospital...because they come in to check on you every 4 hrs, I was READY to go home. Once home, slept almost all afternoon trying to get caught up. Within a week and a week, PT was going very well. I was able to lift my leg on my own and do most of the exercises myself...Julie helped a lot. We spent about 3 hrs a day doing exercises to rehab correctly. Then the wound started looking bad. I suspected an infection.....so we went to Dr. Port's office. He administered a oral antibiotic and some creme to kill it, but 2 days later, my leg was starting to turn colors and had A LOT of excess oozing. It was diagnosed as a staph infection; a topical one. The wound was looking really gross. So on NEW YEARS DAY, we had to go back to the hospital to receive antibiotics via IV. I stayed at a different hospital this time; didn't want to go back to what probably GAVE me the infection in the first place.
So....here I am back at Julie's now. I was released yesterday. Still taking meds via IV. Julie has been helping with that; I have a PICC line in which makes the administration much easier and painless. So today, just been very sleepy. Trying to get caught back up with sleep, but doing much better. It's good to be home away from the hospital.
On a different note...I was suppose to be assisting and observing my Pastor all this month, but due to my infection, I will be writing a paper instead on the Theology of Pain and Suffering; something I think I know a little about now!
Classes resume for Spring semester on February 2nd. Iowa has been getting dumped on with snow. Its been colder than normal here in Texas, but nothing like up there! Anyways, I've got one more paper to finish, so tootles! Peace to everyone reading.